LOVE

For You God I live, really it is because of You I live.
How humbling and moving it is to know that because of Your death, I have life. How mysterious!
Beyond that You have resurrected and ascended, and where You are I may be there soon!
I love You Iseous, Adonai!

Killing Myself

So kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in
                your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed
                in sin]: sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed  and  covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self
                and other created things instead of God).
Colossians 3:5 AMP

Reading this tonight I get a sense of unholiness that I don't necessarily know if I should have or not. I mean sure, according to the promise of God I am Born Again by my trust in what Christ has done, but I still battle a few things mentioned here in this one verse.
Is there something wrong with me? Something I cannot get away from no matter what? Why is it I seek deliverance from my problems but I still battle them?

Crazy times, impending doom, and a quiet place in my head...

Sitting here with my wife feeding our babygirl (1mth) I think on all the crazy disasters and weird times we live in, then I remember all the different things the biblical authors led by the Spirit of GOD wrote about the signs of the returning Messiah... and I can't help but wonder; am I ready? Am I and the Christians I know ready for this?

I believe now would be a good time to start re-evaluating our walk... are we just being those" Christians" who act just like the world? Or are we genuinely I love with Jesus and things we do show it?

Still remains a feeling i've had for a good few weeks now too... there seems to be a vast dark space in my mind. I don't know what it is or where it is coming from but it is a lonely place I keep subconsciously going to. Pray for me, that if I get lost in this dark ocean I don't forget who I am.

Save Me?

O Lord my God, my Saviour... how wonderful it is to lay at Your feet.
To be in Your presence and kneel before You and Your glory.
How great the wind of Your breath is upon my soul, God,
the breath that none of Yours' can mistake.
Your burden is light, yet Your weight is heavy on me, O God.
To what do I owe the God of Wonders and Love and Light,
what can I give to You, that You didn't make or have come into being already?
You see Your children God, and You call them from the deepest place You made in them; their hearts. You are glorious and mighty, God, and Your face shall I seek for the rest of my days.

Yet I sit in in the back of my mind, contemplating of my love for You... as I lose again.
This battle is fierce and this war rages against me, God.
I pray for deliverance and the death of my flesh, yet it continues on and on.
I am weak Father. I am weary from battle and Your presence has left me.
My sins are ever before me, and though I clean with soap they do not go away.
Though I ask for Your mercy my heart rejects, because Your mercies I don't want used in vain.
God, how long... how long, O God will You leave me like this?
How long will You look on me with reproof? How long will I lose this battle?
My sin makes me sickly and retch...
My spirit cries out “Abba, Father!”, and yet You do not hear.
Don't abandon me... please don't forsake me.
I run up this hill with You in sight but the more I run the more opposition have I.
Do You not want me? Am I not really Yours? Will You reach out Your hand and help me up the hill? God... I cannot do this alone.

Even so, I will climb. I will continue to seek You, for I know I will find You.
I will love You evermore, for You are my God, You are my true love.
I don't only want union with You for the promise of heaven, Jesus...
I want companionship, because I love You.
Place fear in me, Lord, place fear in me and shine Your light, God.
O Son of Man, have pity on Your servant...